i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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