So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
