She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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