I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Did I show you my penis last night?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
