eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
