just survived the first fart of the relationship.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
