do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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