walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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