the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
