im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Im part way to drunk.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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