I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Randomize