I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
