Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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