Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
