She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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