I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
