Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
