she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
They took my balls.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I love you.
Bad choice
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
