Do you still have your period?
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
And then my night got REAL pukey
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
We are all done wearing pants today
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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