Please, let me fuck your mom
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
