Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
