The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
How external is "for external use only"?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
