they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
