She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
