Banned from zoo.
Again?
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
