That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
