So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize