You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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