Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize