my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
