Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Randomize
