Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
