He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
