I skipped work to stalk him.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
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