sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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