Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
