i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
