happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
