Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
