Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
