U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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