Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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