I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
