Someone shit on the floor
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
