Screwed.edu
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
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