Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
