I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
