i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
