Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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