just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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