So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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