Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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