He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize