If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
