Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
