R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
