Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
