Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
