Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
