I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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