Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
