I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
