Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
