you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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