I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
