I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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