He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
