I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize