Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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