We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
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