please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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