I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
