Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Who put my cat in the fridge?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
