so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Randomize
