Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Randomize
