Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
