how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
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