Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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