she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
