Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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