Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
My bed smells like the plague
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