I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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