my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Randomize