it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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