pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
