Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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