im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
