I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
FUCK WHALES
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
