i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
