I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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