Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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