I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
