Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
