i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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