Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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