You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
