Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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