my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
