I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
is wine microwaveable?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
