I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
