I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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