I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
