ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I need to stop coming to work sober
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
