Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
