We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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