I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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