I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
