I got chris browned last night
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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