The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
