i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
