His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize