I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
